Welcome

Welcome dear readers. This is a look inside my mind and an invitation to explore with me the human condition. I have always been the questioner, the arguer, the seeker of answers to the why’s of life. I have spent 30+ years on this journey and have come to some conclusions that seem to lead to more questions. Isn’t that just how it goes? Right when you think you have found an answer, you are brought to a whole new world that needs exploring, thus the process begins anew.

I took a “What are your strengths?” test a few years ago (mandatory by my psychologist) and it turns out that my two strengths are learning (or being a student) and attaining serendipity (making the best out of random circumstances). I am not usually one that believes in the personality tests, but I must admit that this one had me pegged! I am most definitely a student in every single aspect of my life. Serendipity is my favorite word and I’ll speak more on that later. In the mean time, I am currently exploring ideas and learning more about love and relationships. I consider February to not only be Black History Month, but also LOVE month. I am perpetual student in the love department, even now that I have found it and am married in it, there is still much more to learn.

This student of love is focusing on what it means to love in my own way and to pass that love on to the receiver (my husband) in a way that belongs only to him. We all express and receive love  in different ways, and it’s up to us to do a little exploring of ourselves and our significant others to find out what those ways are, minus the expectations. So, this is another invitation that I’ll extend to you- seek out the ways you love and how you receive it, do you ever hesitate because of an expectation (i.e.- I should be shown love in x,y,z ways)? When was the last time you paid attention to the person next to you and saw that their expression of love is what they want to show and now what you think  it “should” be?

Those are the questions I will leave you to introspectively seek.

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2 thoughts on “Welcome

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  1. I am naturally analytic in my thinking and observations. I almost do it subconsciously, observing behavior and body language of others. I have noticed people tend to give gifts that they themselves would love to be given. Even when stepping outside of the unconscious decision and thinking if I were this person I would like to receive ______ has me putting self first. I used to think true love was selfless but it’s not, true love is selfish. I know this because I cannot fully love another until I love myself. If I constantly put others before self love I will be drained and resentful. However, if I love myself fully first, without shame or judgment, I am then able to love others more. Maslow’s heirarchy of needs starts with the basics. I can fulfill those basic needs myself. It isn’t until those basic needs are met that other needs come into play that I have to look to others for help fulfilling. If my expectations are that others will meet my basic needs I will be a taker in the relationship not able to give equally. But, if I take responsibility for self love then I become an equal partner, atleast emotionally. The key to success in relationships is having realistic expectations and communicating. If I expect more of my partner than I do of myself it doesn’t work. If I feel something isn’t working I have a duty to speak up. Relationships are also about acceptance and growing together. Both partners must accept the other as they are and inspire them to grow. I find that nurturing self affords me a greater capacity to nurture others.

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    1. Thank you so much for your response! I agree with you, especially with loving self first in order to fully love another. Often we choose people who mirror us, and when we find one who does not love themselves, it’s usually a reflection of how we do not love our self.

      I am fan of Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory about love and relationships. He posits that in order to have a successful relationships 3 things must be present- intimacy (communication), passion (liking), and committment (speaks for itself). Many people get stuck in certain stations in relationships and think that is all there is to it, they don’t focus beyond that point (i.e. passion).
      What I have learned is to not place an expectation on my relationship, but to do as you said communicate effectively and accept the other and myself- flaws and all 🙂 Thanks again for responding!! 🙂

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