Thinking of my mother today. Technically I think of her every day, but today she’s more prevalent than most. Pink Floyd’s “Wish You Were Here” played on my Pandora list and I was instantly trasnported back in time to being 16 and riding in her teal Ford Ranger down I-15 to the stateline casino Whiskey Pete’s where she worked. I remember it like it was yesterday even though it was 19 years ago. She and I used to sing together when we’d drive places, she taught me how to harmonize, she took higher notes so that I wouldn’t strain my voice. I miss her. She taught me how to read and write when I was 4, she was so enthusiastic about books that I couldn’t help but fall in love with them too- I’ve been an avid reader ever since. I read so much as a child that I received awards through the first 3 years of elementary school. I blame her and I miss her.
I wonder what she would think of my life now? I wonder if she would have ever embraced technology enough to read my blogs that I’ve written over the years. She was always a fan of my poetry when I was a kid. She was also sometimes the subject of my poetry. She taught me many good and many not so good things. I learned quickly how to be resilient and how to not be silent about things taking place in our home. I learned about domestic violence. I learned about drug abuse and addiction. I learned what I didn’t ever want to experience or become. I am better for it because of her.
I miss her. It will be 6 years this summer. I keep thinking it will get easier and in some ways it has, but I find myself saying that every year. Maybe one day it will finally be true.