“For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.” – Carl Sagan
We all have basic needs and wants underlying everything we do, we are motivated by numerous factors- all of which are vastly different, yet at the core the same. Sometimes when I look at life, my own and others, I see insurmountable odds stacked against us, mountains to climb or move, in order to get to love, all before we die. We place meaning to things that in the bigger picture actually mean nothing. We fight over the most ridiculous things, in the end all we really wanted was to be heard and validated. Communication is one of the hardest things to do effectively because it requires setting the ego aside long enough to listen and not just be right. We are all guilty of this- which is the reason why the phrase “I’m Sorry” was created. How do we learn to communicate? How do we learn to set the ego aside? How do we learn to move the mountains that get in our way in order to live and love? These are the questions we are forever learning to answer.
I am guilty of not living my life. I am guilty of not loving out of fear. I am guilty of wishing for death.
I have sought after this idea of life and love and a noble death in which I’ve left behind a legacy of ideas. My grandiose thinking takes over inside sometimes. We all seek something, sometimes to be bigger than ourselves and other times to shrink into the shadows. Life is strangely paradoxical, yet it’s so rare that we see it that way. We seem to think that life is linear, much like time, but the beauty of it all is that it’s not. Life and time and love and death and everything in between is flexible, bendable, shape-able. We hear the phrase the we can create our own reality, I hate this phrase. This phrase conjures up images in my mind of everyone walking around in rose colored glasses, it creates a false reality. It is true that our perception of the world shapes how we see and interact with it, but merely changing our view isn’t always enough.
I may be perceiving myself as being guilty of the things I stated above, and not actually be guilty. My body and brain don’t always agree on what to feel, throw my heart into the mix and it’s like a war is raging- every system battling it out for control. What happens when you figure out the system? When you figure out that life is all about control- one would think that it feel great to have the A-HA! moment, that in itself the idea that life is all about control would then somehow give you a feeling of control. It doesn’t. I can control my emotions and how I respond to things if I’m given the tools to do so. Most of us are taught self-control through fear. The entire system is about controlling through fear and trying to let go through love. And then you die. In a blink, life is lived, love is found and lost, and death the only thing that is predictable and inevitable.
Seems bleak when put into that context. But it’s all about the in-between and what you do with it. It really is all about how you perceive it, your perception really does create your reality no matter how cheesy it sounds. The control we seek can be found through the letting go of it. I am not talking about walking around throwing caution to the wind and allowing “fate” to decide (although it sounds good, and I know a TON of people who do this). I am talking about learning how to accept that sometimes the way we think things should be may not have to be that. My path and yours, is full of twists and turns and speed bumps, and road blocks, and pot holes, there is no gps signal, only learning how to navigate through each obstacle. Sometimes the roadblocks take forever to move, but eventually I find a way. We all do.
Carl Sagan was right- the vastness of this life is only bearable through love. Because I could not get through some of this without love. Life would not be what it is without love. And in the end, I want my life to be looked at as lived and loved and everything in between.