Hope In Despair (Pieces of Hope Series)

butterfly quoteThis is a blog post written by a very dear friend of mine, who as she states below, I’ve never actually met in person. Ah yes the beauty of the internet- bringing people who are thousands of miles apart together in an instant. I asked her to write something for my Pieces of Hope series and she did not disappoint. Her post below is about gaining hope in the face of despair, it is poignant, heart-strings-pulling, and most of all- honest. Thank you Matja Klaric for sharing yourself with us- much love to you.

June 15, 2014

“Not long ago, my dear friend Mesa (whom I have never met in person, but have strong affinity for, as if we knew each other for years) asked me to write something for this site. Although I was all for it, I could not force myself to start working on this blog for weeks. How could I wrote about hope, when I see every day as a struggle and I am constantly wondering do I have any hope left in me at all? What keeps me going, I do not know; you can believe me that I do not know how I manage to keep going after all I have been through during the last year and a half.

Is it that long already? Yes, it is… and there is still no end in sight.

But perhaps I am the right person to write about this exactly because I struggle so hard with finding the strength to keep going in the face of hopelessness and as hard as it is, I have managed to keep going and survive each and every single day for the last 18 months. That’s well over 500 days, well over 500 battles, well over 500 almost lost hopes that I still somehow managed not to lose (at least not entirely) up to this day.

Now that does not at all look impressive when one struggles with it on a daily basis, but when one looks back and realizes that she has managed to survive well over 500 days of agony, anguish, and pain, she realizes that this is in fact very impressive and quite an achievement.

Due to the paralyzing psychological pain that tends to be inseparable from the severe kind of life’s test and trails some (if not all) of us have to go through at least couple of times in our lives, I was not able to write a diary about what I was going through, as I felt so blocked with pain, even though I was well aware that writing would be advisable and of great help.

But now, today, on this yet another day in a row of very special over 500 days, when I realized how far I have gotten without giving up or harming myself, this awareness alone have pushed me to finally start to write it.

And so today, on June 15, 2014, I promise myself that I will push myself and write at least one sentence in a dairy of a soul who has almost lost hope and has to struggle daily not to let go…

Gratitude is a word of the day, and today it is dedicate to Mesa who inspired me and thus helped me to do this. Thank you Mesa.”

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