I feel so frustrated this morning. I feel polarized in the world, between politics, religion, values, I don’t know where I fit anymore amongst some of my peers. I gave up on a political ideology long ago, although I do tend to be more liberal on social issues, I also gave up religion a while ago – I never truly bought into organized religion in the first place, I found it to be stifling and full of judgment that left a nasty taste in my mouth. I’m not as vocal as I could be because again of the polarizing nature of issues. I want to be respectful of others and I want the same thing – however, I’m finding more and more that it doesn’t work. This “respect” doesn’t exist, this tolerance doesn’t exist, mostly because if you hold the belief that I’m going to hell because I don’t believe as you do then how is there true tolerance or respect in that?
I remember being told by my highly religious grandmother that because of the books I was reading and because of what my mom was reading we’d be going to Hell – I was 10. She and I disagreed on a lot of things and I’m grateful that I had her to watch over me because my parents couldn’t, but we argued for years about everything. She told me I’d make a great lawyer. I was taught by my mother to question everything, to never take anyone’s word for it, no matter how much I trusted them. She was wrong about a lot, but she was right on when it came to that. I’ve never blindingly believed anything, I’ve never just had faith that something would go one way or another, I realized that in life if you want something there are a series of decisions that are made in order to get it. It’s possible to want something and want something and want something but if all you do is want or wish or hope and never take action then the chances of the want being fulfilled are nowhere near as good as being struck by lightning.
I know that I will never fully agree with everyone on anything, and that’s ok with me, life would be boring otherwise. But sometimes I wish there was some sort of happy medium. But that’s what I get for wishing right? Now I just need to find a way.